Building healthy relationships is an important skill in life. Some are better in building relationship than others, however, everybody can improve it. I highly recommand two books I read and I found very usefull.
This is a small book, easy to read that focus on the basics. The message is that in order to build good relationship you need to have empthy and manage to put yourself at the place of your interlocutor. It implies being a good listner:
- never cut your interlocutor in the middle of a sentence
- pay attention to your interlocutor mood
- pay attention to the context
- keep in mind that your interlocutor is only listenning to you because he knows that he will be able to talk after you
It tells you how you should think and gives you some tricks in order to build a good relationship
This book is a collection of anecdotes highlighting technics that will help you building relationships from the start. The book is organized in 9 sections:
- You only have 10 seconds to show you are somebody: focuses on the body language and behaviour you need when meeting someone. People make their first opinion about someone during the first 10 seconds, even before you start talking. None like to meet someone who doesn’t look confident, look at his toes with a sad face. This section will give you tips to make a very good first impression.
- What do I say after hello? focuses on how to start a conversation or how to help other start talking to you. Always be positive and enthousiast when meeting someone, however, your tone of voice should match your interlocutor mood. No need for special original start, you can start talking about latest news, the weather or something that bring your attention in your interlocutor. You can wear something that can help your interlocutor to start the conversation.
- How to talk like the big boys ’n’ girls? focuses on how develop the conversation. How to properly ask what your interlocutor is doing without being inconvenient, how to properly answer this question taking into account your interlocutor intention. It also adivse to expand your vocabulary using synonyms, use the same level of language as your interlocutor. It also gives tricks to not answer questions that you don’t want to answer without being rude.
- How to be an insider in any crowd? focuses on getting a better culture and knowledge so you can talk about anything with anybody. There are tricks that let you talk about someone else hobby without being an expert or knowing much. The basic is to periodically doing something that you usually never do, so you get some experience and know the basic vocabulary.
- Why we are just alike? focuses on technics that help you talk in a way that your interlocutor will listen to you more easily. It goes from moving they way your interlocutor is moving to using images that will make sense to him passing through using the same vocabulary.
- The Power of praise, the folly of flattery? helps you to pass praises to the one you want to praise. Direct praise can be seen as an intent to get something in return. There are technics to praise in more subtle manners and this chapter provide some examples. One of them is to tell a friend of your interlocutor the praise you would like hime to receive. Another is to only transmit good news to him.
- Direct dial their heart provides tricks on how to discuss through the phone
- How to work a party like a politician work a room. Never goes to a party without being prepared. For example it is a good habbit to not drink and eat at parties in order to have the hands free. It is also a good habbit to know who you want to talk to before the party.
- The lastest part is a list of little random tricks. Things you should never do, like capitalizing on an un-intended meet (in a supermarket for example) and things you should pay attention: like acting as if nothing happen when a friend go though an ambarrassing situation.
Those two books are complementary and I highly recommand them.